SPOILERS

Check the gradual spoiler-free hints from Nice Game Hints

   Skip the queue to enter RedemptionLand (tm)

  • After talking with God, you arrive in France.
  • Go to RedemptionLand at the south of the map.
  • In front of the entrance, try to enter into RedemptionLand.
  • You must skip the queue to enter (meaning get rid of the aristocrat couple, the catholic priest and the nun, and the tourist dudes).
  • Don't forget to pick up the metal posts and the velvet rope (it will be useful later).
  • Tip: press [SPACE BAR] to show clickable zones.

   Get rid of the aristocrats

  • Go talk to Hug-A-Leper on the far right of the screen.
  • Follow him and speak to him during his show.
  • Talk to Sister Suzette.
  • A Bible had fallen on the floor, pick up the Bible.
  • In your inventory, look at the Bible. You'll get the nude drawings.
  • Give the nude drawings to Hug-A-Leper.
  • Once Hug-A-Leper is distracted, pick up the Big Head.
  • Use the Big Head on Lancelot.
  • Once you wear the Big Head, talk to the aristocrats.
  • Once they're gone, pick up the deflated balloon on the floor.

   Get rid of the catholic priest and the nun

  • Talk to Sister Suzette.
  • A Bible had fallen on the floor, pick up the Bible.
  • In your inventory, look at the Bible. You'll get the nude drawings.
  • Look at the tourist brochure in your inventory. Now you have the organic food ad.
  • Use the organic food ad with the Bible.
  • Give the Bible back to the priest.
  • The organic food ad had fallen on the floor. Pick it up (if you can't access the organic food ad, pick up the metal posts).
  • Give the organic food ad to the dirty peasants orpheans. Now the ad is all sticky.
  • Use the sticky ad with the Bible.
  • Give again the Bible back to the priest.

   Get rid of the tourist dudes

  • You need the deflated balloon (see 'Get Rid of aristocrats' section).
  • Use the deflated balloon with the rubbish bin.
  • Give the inflated balloon to the tourist dudes.

   Enter RedemptionLand's Monastery Castle

  • Once you've entered into RedemptionLand, go to the Holy Grail's Monastery Castle.
  • Talk to the bouncers.
  • Talk again to the bouncers.
  • Choose all the 3 conversation topics and quit the dialogue.
  • To enter into the Holy Grail's Monastery Castle, you need the monk's robe, St. Anselm's sword and the Sinless Certificate.

   Get monk's robe

  • Go to the Broceliande Forest and talk to St. Francis.
  • Talk with him about his monk's robe.
  • You need to pass a theological test.
  • Go to the Tunnel-O-Christian-Love at RedemptionLand.
  • During your boat ride, click on the 5 items shown on pedestals.
  • Go back to the Broceliande Forest and talk to St. Francis again.
  • Ask him about the theological test.
  • The replies for the test are (1) Tetanus, (2) You can make 50 pounds of applesauce with it, (3) Iron Man.
  • You have now the monk's robe.

   Get Sinless Certificate

  • In RedemptionLand, go to Splash-O-Baptise and talk to Stanislas.
  • Ask him about the Sinless Certificate.
  • Now you need 9,999 pounds to buy your certificate.
  • Leave RedemptionLand and go to town.
  • Look at the Help Wanted sign at the gay bar's window.
  • Enter the gay bar.
  • In the gay bar, talk to Lady Dark Dark and ask about the Help Wanted sign, the rats and the flute.
  • Leave the gay bar and talk to the annoying mime and bear outside.
  • Ask the mime about the flute.
  • Go to RedemptionLand, next to the bouncers and the Holy Grail's Monastery Castle's entrance.
  • Pick up the reeds.
  • Go to the village, then go next to the stoned shepherd.
  • Use the reeds on the axe on a log.
  • Use the velvet rope on the axe on a log.
  • In your inventory, use the twine with the cut reeds. Now you've got the flute.
  • Go back to the town and talk to the mime.
  • Ask him about the flute.
  • Once you got rid of the mime, go back to the gay bar.
  • Talk to Lady Dark Dark and get 9,999 pounds.
  • Go back to RedemptionLand and give the money to Stanislas.
  • Now you have the Sinless Certificate.

   Get St. Anselm's sword

  • Go to Splash-O-Baptise in RedemptionLand.
  • Try to pick up St. Anselm's sword (far right of the screen).
  • It doesn't work and the tourist dudes tell you the real sword is deep into Broceliande Forest.
  • Talk to the tourist dudes. They will give you the deflated balloon.

   Get Fem&Ms

  • When you enter and walk around into Broceliande Forest, you get lost and go back to the entrance.
  • At the forest entrance, talk to St. Francis and ask him about the St. Anselm's sword.
  • Some gay bar clients and the stoned shepherd seem to know the way to cross Broceliande Forest.
  • To enter the gay bar, you need to talk to Stanislas and ask him about the Sinless Certificate.
  • Leave RedemptionLand and go to town.
  • Look at the Help Wanted sign at the gay bar's window.
  • Enter the gay bar.
  • Into the gay bar, pick up the Fem&Ms in the bowl.

   Get cannabis

  • According to St. Francis, the stoned shepherd knows about St. Anselm's sword and the Broceliande Forest.
  • Go to the village, and go to the stoned shepherd's place.
  • Talk to him and ask him about St. Anselm's sword.
  • To get some cannabis, you need to water his plants.
  • Go to the town and enter the gay bar.
  • Pick up the empty beer mug.
  • Leave the bar and, in the town, use the empty beer mug with the public fountain.
  • Go back to the stoned shepherd and use the beer mug filled with water with the cannabis plants.
  • Now you get the cannabis.

   Help the witch to get the Smurfette drug

  • Into Broceliande Forest, if you use the cannabis and then the Fem&Ms, you can follow the first two paths to St. Anselm's sword. But you need a third drug to finish your journey.
  • Go to the village, and then to the pillory.
  • Talk to the witch and ask her about St. Anselm's sword, then ask her about the Smurfette's drug.
  • The witch will help you if you get rid of the anger management coach and the angry crowd.
  • Talk to the angry crowd.
  • Talk to them again. You need to become deaf to support their endless chit chat.
  • Lancelot gives you a hint: 'Honey catches more flies than vinegar'. Maybe the swarm of bees at the forest's entrance could help?
  • Use the deflated balloon on the burning stake beneath the witch.
  • Go to Broceliande Forest's entrance and look at the swarm of bees.
  • Use the balloon filled with the stake's smoke on the swarm of bees.
  • Use the beeswax on yourself. Now you know how to become deaf.
  • Go back to the village, and then to the pillory.
  • Once near the pillory, use again the beeswax on yourself.
  • Once the stake is off and the coach and the crowd are gone, talk to the witch. She gives you the key to her lab.

   Craft Smurfette's drug with the alchemist machine

  • Go to the town and use the witch's key on the lab door.
  • Far-right of the lab, you find an armoire with a padlock.
  • Use the metal stick on the padlock.
  • Open the armoire and you'll get the alchemist book.
  • In your inventory, open the alchemist book.
  • In the book, go to the 'Recipes to craft funny drugs' section.
  • Read the Smurfette drug recipe on the left page.
  • Quit the book.
  • Back to the alchemist lab, go back near the entrance and pick up the pestle and mortar.
  • In your inventory, use the Fem&Ms with the pestle and mortar.
  • Use the crushed Fem&Ms in the mortar with the start of the machine.
  • In your inventory, use the cannabis with the pestle and mortar.
  • Use the crushed cannabis in the mortar with the start of the machine.
  • The machine works great, but you need a container to collect the Smurfette drug.
  • Look at all the armoires in the lab and you'll find an empty wooden bidet.
  • Use the bidet with the end of the machine.
  • Again, use the Fem&Ms and the cannabis with the pestle and mortar, and put them in the start of the machine.
  • Pick up the Smurfette drug at the end of the machine.

   Cross Broceliande Forest to get the St. Anselm's sword

  • Go to Broceliande Forest.
  • When you're into the forest, use the Fem&Ms on yourself and follow the white track.
  • Once you see a green spot on the floor, use the cannabis on yourself and follow the white track.
  • Once you see a cyan (sort of a light blue) spot on the floor, use the Smurfette drug on yourself and follow the track.
  • Once the drug effect is gone, go to the far right on the screen and pick up the St. Anselm's sword.
  • Once you have the monk's robe, the Sinless Certificate and the monk's robe, go back to the bouncers at RedemptionLand and talk to them.

   Open the Grail's safe

  • Once entered into the Holy Grail's Monastery Castle, you see the drunk monk and the naked girls again. Follow them upstairs to the Board Of Directors' Meeting Room.
  • After the PowerPoint presentation, go back downstairs and enter the Scriptorium.
  • Talk to Martin L'Uterus and his disciple.
  • Ask them about the Holy Grail and the Holy Grail's safe.
  • Then ask them about the two keys, the code, and then the missing page.
  • Once you have the naked nuns' key, the drunk monks' key and the code, go to the Prayers Factory (on the second floor of the monastery) and use them on the Holy Grail's safe (on the far left of the room).

   Get horny nuns' key

  • Go to the Prayers Factory (second floor of the monastery).
  • Pick up the candle.
  • Leave the Prayers Factory and go to the naked and horny nuns' room.
  • Talk to the naked nuns. It's too dark and you can't see anything.
  • Use the candle on the naked nuns to light up the room.
  • Leave the naked nuns and go to the Drunk Monks' First Aid Room.
  • There are a closed-door and 3 switches in the room.
  • Look at the Useless Teutonic Ad (on the far left of the room).
  • Left switch: up.
  • Middle switch: down.
  • Right switch: up.
  • The door opens. Go through it.
  • In the drunk monks' secret bar, pick up the mass wine on the table.
  • Use the candle on the monk with a toupee (on the far right of the room). Now you have the toupee.
  • Leave the bar and go back to the horny naked nuns' room.
  • Drink the mass wine and talk to the naked nuns.
  • Now you have the naked nuns' key.

   Get drunk monks' key

  • Go to the Prayers Factory (second floor of the monastery).
  • Open the tabernacle. You'll get the Sacramental Bread (feel free to use it on yourself).
  • Go to the Drunk Monks' First Aid Room.
  • There are a closed-door and 3 switches in the room.
  • Look at the Useless Teutonic Ad on the far left of the room.
  • Left switch: up.
  • Middle switch: down.
  • Right switch: up.
  • The door opens. Go through it.
  • Once into the drunk monks' secret bar, use the Sacramental Bread on yourself.
  • Now you have the drunk monks' key

   Get the code

  • In the Scriptorium, look at the 3 bookshelves on the far right of the room. You have found the missing page.
  • Use the missing page with the alchemist book.
  • In your inventory, look at the alchemist book and read the last book's page (the page is all red).
  • Ask Martin L'Uterus about the missing page.
  • Go to the Drunk Monks' First Aid Room.
  • There are a closed-door and 3 switches in the room.
  • Look at the Useless Teutonic Ad (far left of the room).
  • Left switch: up.
  • Middle switch: down.
  • Right switch: up.
  • The door opens. Go through it.
  • In the drunk monks' secret bar, pick up the mass wine on the table.
  • Drink the mass wine and read the alchemist book in your inventory.
  • Read the last page of the book (which is readable now).
  • Now you have the code.

   Drink in the Holy Grail

  • Once in the Holy Grail's cavern, walk to the far left and talk to the Grail Knight.
  • Choose all the conversation topics until the Grail bar opens.
  • Click on the Holy Grail.
  • As the Grail Knight told you, you must craft the Saint Crappist of Chimay's recipe in the Holy Grail.
  • In your inventory, read the alchemist book.
  • In the book, go to the 'Recipes To Craft Funny Drugs' section and read the recipe on the right page.
  • The colour code is (from bottom to top): green, yellow, red, blue.
  • Leave the book and back in front of the Holy Grail, pick up the green alcohol and put it in the Grail.
  • Use the green and the red alcohols and use them on the mixer. You'll get yellow alcohol in the Martini glass.
  • Use the Martini glass with yellow alcohol in the Grail.
  • Use the red, then the blue alcohol in the Grail.

   You're drunk

       First screen

    • Talk to the bloke with a trumpet in his arse.
    • Use the ladder.
    • Pick up the traffic cone.
    • Use the traffic cone with the bloke with a trumpet in his arse.
    • Click on the counterweight to make the cannonballs fall.
    • Click two times on the fallen cannonballs.
    • Click on the construction crane to throw the angel into the Grail.

       Second screen

    • Click on the right to throw the angel.
    • After 3 tries, the angel will climb up successfully to the Grail.

       Back to England

    • You are naked and ashamed in France. You need to go back to England as soon as possible.
    • Go to the Belgian Vikings and talk to them.
    • Ask the Belgian Vikings about going back to England, 'King Arthur would do it' and then the compass.
    • Go to the village, and then to the pillory.
    • Pick up the bucket for cut heads.
    • Go to the town.
    • Use the bucket on the fountain.
    • Go to the gay bar.
    • Pick up the fancy pickled olives in the bowl.
    • Use the fancy olives on yourself. You get a metal toothpick.
    • Leave the gay bar and go to the alchemist lab.
    • Use the metal toothpick on the electric machine.
    • Use the electrified toothpick with the bucket filled with water. Now you have the compass.
    • Go back to the Belgian Vikings and give them the compass.

       Face to face with Hipster Jesus

    • You're locked in a whale's belly. Click on Hipster Jesus and the Holy Grail.
    • Once in front of the Holy Grail, Hipster Jesus tells you that 'The authentic devotion yields only to contrary minds'.
    • It means you have to craft Saint Crappist of Chimay's recipe in reverse order.
    • From bottom to top: blue, red, yellow (mix of green and red) and then green.
    • Congrats, you have finished the game and you can celebrate the biggest party England had ever known!